Dead Stars
by sybcj
Summary: there are things people can never have.. memories that can never be erased.. and scars that can never be healed... As Robin patrols the city after the sun had set, he begins to recall those wounds he pried open one cold night.. STORY ON HOLD.
1. Reminisce

**Act One: Reminisce**

…Starfire…

How that name perfectly suits her…

From the way her hair glistens….

To her eyes that twinkle like those heavenly bodies that glimmer in the night sky.

And her hair burning like the flaming sun…

That's right…

She held the image of the smiling sun. Always radiant… Always full of warmth…. Her beauty and everything else about her enraptured me so much… I love… I love he—

…

—_sigh_—

How foolish she was…

No…

How foolish _I _was…

I guess… too much light blinds a person so much that one forgets the dark shadows that are casted by the brightness... shadows that hide within it the truth.. And the pain..

As the sun begins to set I am reminded ones again of that tantalizing brilliance… that tantalizing, poisonous and shadowed light..

Heh.. When was it again..? That's right… does time really matter? After all… it just continues to mockingly flow and never waits… and things just continue to pass and they can never be rewritten.. And these past events just become memories… memories that either becomes sweet honeyed dreams or burning scathing nightmares.

I wonder… if this memory I'm about to recall can be considered a dream or nightmare..? Of course I know the answer for me… but for her… I wonder.. If she's able to see those broken pieces of time.. Of memory… will she consider it a dream.. or a nightmare..?

…

Only a sliver of the sun's light only remains on the horizon… and I start to recall…

-x-x-x-

It was a cold night. Starfire and I had been dating for about five months already but we still didn't get pass the just kissing stage. Sure, kissing is one of the best ways to show your loved one how much you love her. But everyone knows that in Jump City and in America, that kissing is kindergarten stuff. I mean… in a country where liberty and freedom of expression is at its best, a guy can show his girl that he loves her in _other _ways.. I mean, c'mon. I was and still am a young adolescent full of raging hormones that need to be expressed in the most _releasing_ and healthy way after all. But during that time, I just couldn't get why Star didn't share the same sentiments ….

But now, I just wish I never found out.

Damn my raging hormones.

Every time we would finish our date I would always get excited and ready everything. I'd book us a hotel since doing _it _in the Titan's tower would just wake everyone up. Even though I know the guys would have understood since we were dating, I found it very inappropriate to show my love in a place where my comrades could hear. But Star would always give me that sweet-laced smile and say she still wasn't ready.

Yeah.. I got pissed off every time, but I never showed it. I just smiled like a fool and say it was alright. We would just end up just cuddling each other in the hotel bed. She'd fall asleep first, dreaming those pink and cuddly dreams of hers while I would stay awake, being haunted by phantom boners that I never got to express and release every time. But what bugged me more was the fact that Star seemed to become distant every time when the issue of us having sex comes up. I knew there was something bothering her, but I just ignorantly brushed it off when she'd give me a kiss and smile. That blinding smile that made me believe that she was alright. I never knew… back then… she…

-x-x-x-

The sun has now completely set. The blinding light of the sun is now gone and it is replaced by infinite twinkling stars. Those little lights that gives a faint warmth to the dark cold sky. At night, hidden motives take place. At night, hidden truths pave their way out of the lies. And at night, sins of every kind grow rampant…

A police siren wails.

I can see the small blue and red light swirling near the shopping district.

Great…

-x-x-x-

"Star! I just don't get it! Don't you love me!"

I was frustrated that time...

"Of course I love you.."

Her voice was weak… Tears were starting to form.

"If you love me then why don't you want to do it!"

I knew the answer... Only half of it during that time anyway… but it was supposed to be enough… why couldn't it have been enough that time..?

"I'm just not-!"

"What? Ready! Stop giving me such stupid excuses!"

Damn. I knew I should've have just cancelled that date… That time...

"I'm sorry if you find my reasons stupid..! But it is the truth.. Why can't you understand?"

I was just being hard headed.. Childish... she should've just slapped me.

"Oh, believe me Star. I've been understanding for the past 5 months already! You hear me! FIVE freakin' months! I think it's time for you to understand ME! I'm a growing teen! A guy! I'm at the peak of puberty! I also have needs to be met!"

Shit... Damn my raging hormones and pride.

"I know that. But I—"

Tears were ready to fall from her eyes. But I didn't care that time.. The phantom boners got the better of me… so did stupidity and foolishness.

"Gasp! Robin! What are you—mmf!"

I could still feel it… the taste of her lips that time.. It wasn't sweet like we usually kissed. Maybe because it was a forced kiss. It was bitter-sour then salty.

Then it started tasting like iron… like blood.

Tears flooded on her scared face. A smudge of my blood from where she bit my lip could be seen on her lower lip. Her eyes were no longer holding that beautiful gleam, but I didn't noticed it.. No... It was more like I didn't care about it… I only cared for my own needs… or was it just wants..?

"I'm tired of waiting."

I half growled like a beast when I said that.

I pushed her down the bed and started kissing her like mad. Holding both of her hands up on her head with my right hand, I made my left explore the different reaches of her body.

"Please… Robin… Stop… Please…"

She begged me my between sobs. Her voice was shaking… Her whole body was shaking… She was scared to death… But I didn't care. My sanity left me that time.. That's what I keep on telling myself.

"Ahh!"

I bit her left nipple… she was only wearing a tank top, so it was easy for me to do whatever I wanted. Tears continued to flow from her face. Sobs echoed in the room. But I still continued. I left marks all over her neck. The blood from by cut lip mockingly stuck on her sweating skin. I was getting hotter and felt that my phantom boners were finally becoming real.

"Please.. please.."

I didn't quite hear her pleads… my head was thumping like mad that it drowned her cries. I felt like I was burning… after my hand got tired playing with her breast I decided to explore down further… from her bare navel to her skirt that hid what I longed for..

"Stop!"

She started struggling... Panicking… complete fear consumed her. And her whole body was shivering and rebelling against my action. It only took her a few seconds before she got her hands free from me and blasted me to the wall.

I lost consciousness for a few seconds and I looked at Starfire. I can't begin to describe the fear etched in her face as rivers of tears still continue to flow.. The burning feeling I had disappeared and I was able to think right again… I wish I didn't that time…

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry.."

She covered her face with her trembling hands as she kept on chanting her sorry's. I slowly got up to my feet. I didn't know what came over me… The only reason I could find was the hormones.. But that was not enough to have her forgive me… but.. Why…?

"Star.. I.."

Why….?

"I'm sorry!"

She flew out the room through the window. Leaving me to curse at myself.

I bit my lip that was already bleeding and made the cut deeper. My body was shaking with enough rage to make me cry… But I didn't… I just stood and stared at the open window where she left. I was curling my fist so much that blood also began to flow out…

"Why Star… Why are you the one apologizing…?"

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_just to let you guys know.. this is the first time i wrote something like this.. it's actually a total opposite of what i usually write.. but the story's been on my mind for a long time already... so tell me what you think about it and if you think i can lower the rating... _


	2. Gloves

**Act 2: Gloves**

"Thanks for all your help Robin!"

My hands hurt...

"Hellooo! Robin? Wings!"

Something flashes by my sight... again… and again…

"Huh..? What..? I snap back to reality and see Detective Connor looking at me with worried eyes.

"You okay?"

"Yeah… I'm fine.. Just spaced out a little.."

"Hmm… you guys should stop patrolling so late at night."

"What are you talking about? We can't do that."

"Yeah, yeah… I know. Crime never sleeps, that's why you can't take a break." The detective waves his hands in a dismissive way. "But still. You guys can always take at least a one hour break. Have a little more faith in us y'know..?"

"I understand what you're saying. But we have to politely decline that offer." I give him a weak smile.

"Heh… Whatever suits you.." he goes to his car "But remember Wings." He's using that ridiculous nickname he made up for me. "You guys are still human y'know.. Taking a break or two is the best way to survive.. Not to mention the best way to say sane."

"Yeah… Thanks… I'll try to remember that.." maybe he made a good point about sleep and sanity..

"By looking at all the report we're getting right now.. Looks like I'll be seeing you again after ten minutes or so…" he looks at me and grins "See ya around Wings. Give my regards to the other rascals patrolling around." he gets in his car and leaves with the other police.

I'm now standing all alone in the middle of a street. I unclench my hands that have been hurting for awhile and see familiar looking marks and blood streaming out of my palm…

"I forgot to wear my gloves…"

I raise my head up… The night sky is still young and old wounds begin to open…

-x-x-x-

I came back to the tower a couple hours after the incident. I aimlessly wandered around the city streets, trying to look for reasons and I could tell Star why I did what I did…

I expected the whole team at the front of the door. Their eyes would be glaring with murderous intent as Starfire would tell them what I did. But much to my surprise, no eyes greeted me. Not even a note that would say "Don't come back." The tower just looked like how it was late at night: dark, silent and filled with Cyborg's and Beast Boy's snores.

The thought of Star not coming back here after she left played in my mind. _If she didn't go back here, where else could she be..? _I thought of different scenarios where I'd find her room empty and her never coming back because of me. But all of my worries vanished when I saw her standing in front of my door. A new worry crept in.

A slap. A puch. A yell. Even a Starbolt hitting my face was what I was expecting her to do…

But she didn't… I wish she had.. But she didn't.

When I was near enough she looked at me and gave me one of her sweet smiles, as if nothing happened.

"I was worried when you did not immediately come back…"

She was still wearing the tank top…

"I began to panic you see..."

The marks I left were dreadfully visible…

"I thought about looking for you… but…"

How could she have happily said those things to me…?

"But… I thought.. No… I knew you'd come back.. So…"

Didn't she understand what I just did to her!

"So… seeing that you are now home I shall-!"

_Bang!_

I pushed her to the wall... I was agitated… confused.. How could she just smile at me like that!

"What's wrong with you Star!"

My grip was firm… so firm that I felt her whole body shiver… When I looked at her… Tears were falling down her face again..

"I… I.. I.. I'm so sorry..!" She fell to the ground. Her whole body was shaking like mad. She kept on saying sorry again. I felt more irritated than sympathetic… I didn't know and still don't know what I was irritated at... Starfire.. Me.. Or the whole damn situation.

I keep telling myself that my reaction that time was because I was tired and sleepy… That's right... That's the reason.. That _has _to be the reason..

"I think we should take a break Star…"

I didn't hug her… I didn't comfort her…

"Wha-what?" she looked at me pleadingly with those emerald eyes of hers.

I did nothing that a boyfriend or even a friend should have done… I didn't hug her… I didn't say any comforting words.. I didn't say sorry.

"I said we should stop seeing each other for a while.. Goodnight.."

_Swoosh!_

_Slam!_

I left her out there… even though she waited for me… I left her there.

-x-x-x-

_Boom!_

An explosion… looks like there's a bank robbery… the police are already going at the crimes scene… The cops are always so active at night when Conner's on duty…

I just finished putting bandages in my hands.

They hurt... They feel like they're burning..

"Right... My gloves.."

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_man... it's hard trying to write this.. but i'm having fun. i can feel what robin's feeling while i'm writing this.. sooo eeemmoooo... man, should i continue with this story..? (Conner's just a random name and character i thought up of by the way... he just an extra character..)_


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